Articles

By Leah Childers

"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer."

Psalm 19:14

Words.

The Tongue.

Our Speech.

However we want to phrase it, what we say to others & to ourselves, can be very powerful and impactful.

Words can be both a blessing and, frankly, a disaster.

Have you ever spoken to someone who was going through a rough time and the words that you shared at that moment brightened their day? 

On the other hand, have you ever spoken too quickly and almost immediately realized that you had "put your foot in your mouth" or actually... WISHED that you had put your foot in your mouth instead of speaking? 

I certainly have felt that way and I have a feeling that most reading this article have experienced that situation as well. 

After a disastrous exchange have you thought, 

“Why did I get so angry?” 

“Why did I say that?” 

“I spoke too fast. That was a mistake. I wish I could take that back.” 

“I’ve got to do better with my responses!!”? 

I plead “Guilty” on this as well.

As followers of Jesus, what should we do? As with everything, we go to our Heavenly Father and read what He says in His Instruction Manual, the Bible. 

Is there information in there about how to fix our conversations and relationships with others? Absolutely.

Throughout the Bible, God lays out problems, the consequences and also very importantly, He tells us the solutions.

What are some of the problems with our speech?

The Hasty Tongue (or Not listening)

Have you ever given advice or been upset with someone only to find out that you didn’t have all the facts before speaking?

Proverbs 18:13 

"He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him".

Proverbs 12:18

"The words of the reckless pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

The Prideful Tongue

Have you spoken to someone about your problem only to realize that the other person began sharing about himself or herself and the conversation never got back to you and your issue? How did you feel about that? Have you found that you brag about yourself more than you should?

Proverbs 16:18

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."

James 4:6

"God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble."

The Angry Tongue

We have all gotten angry, but have you ever been so angry that you spoke in a disrespectful way or in a way that was out of character? Do you get angry too often? Do others tell you that you have a bad temper?

Proverbs 22:24

"Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go."

Proverbs 29:22 

"An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins." 

The Gossiping Tongue

God hates gossiping so His followers should not do that. It can be such a habit that we don’t realize when we’re doing it. 

Proverbs 16:28 

"A person who stirs up trouble and a gossip can break up the best of friends."

Proverbs 20:19  

"Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.""

The Lying Tongue

Lying is a HUGE deal. Not only is it one of the 10 Commandments, it’s also included in the Proverbs 6:16 – 19 which is the list of the 7 things that God HATES.

Proverbs 6:16-19

"There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a LYING tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers."

Proverbs 25:18  

"A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends."

Proverbs 19:5

"A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will not escape."

God has a lot to say about all of these problems with our speech: Boasting (Being prideful), lying, gossiping, slandering, talking too much, angry speech and speaking without thinking. At least we know that we aren’t alone in this struggle.

Fortunately, Our Heavenly Father won’t leave us with all of these frustrations without telling us what to do.

If you’ve wondered why you haven’t been able to overcome your “tongue” issue, this verse will answer that question.

James 3:8

"But NO HUMAN BEING can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."

For clarity, is the Lord really saying that if you stopped using your tongue that it would solve the problems discussed? 

I’ll answer it this way.

Have you ever sent an email or text that you wish you could pull back?

Have you ever shot an angry or prideful look at anyone? 

When I was a little girl, we sang a song in Sunday School, “Be careful little feet where you go”. 

Is the problem your feet? No, the feet are the vehicle, but the issue is the HEART. The heart wants to go to the wrong place.

The same is true here. The tongue is the vehicle. The heart holds these emotions (Anger, pride, envy, etc) and it comes out of the mouth using the tongue.

Luke 6:45 explains that truth.

“Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”

Now that we understand that it is a heart issue, what is the solution? 

God cares about us, every bit of us. He doesn't want us to present a fake front and work hard to tame our tongues. Frankly, the verse that we read earlier says that we can’t anyway. 

When we became followers of Jesus, we accepted that He is the POTTER and we are the CLAY. Therefore, we ask Him to mold us into who He wants us to become. 

The prayer is, “Lord, take my heart, my life, my words and make me who you want me to become.”

As we continue to read the Word, obey and trust the Lord our words will begin to reflect our changed hearts.

Daily, we need to commit our words and ways to Him.

Romans 12:1 tells us

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service."

Since everything is coming from what is in our hearts, we need to be careful what we let into our hearts & minds.

Proverbs 4:23

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

We need to decide to have a Spirit Controlled Tongue 

Psalm 141:3

"Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips."

Ephesians 4:29

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may."

Colossians 3:8

"But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth."

We read through all the problems with our “tongue”. Now, let’s read the solutions for each situation.

Solution for the Hasty Tongue

Think – PRAY – before you speak. Ask Him for help before responding. LISTEN.

James 1:19

 "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath."

or as a pastor once said, "God gave us mouths that close and ears that don't".

Solution for the Prideful Tongue 

We must remember that we are sinners. Our righteousness is filthy rags. We have nothing to boast about. These verses should help.

Romans 12:3

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you."

Proverbs 27:2

"Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips."

***Be prepared to apologize. Don’t be prideful.

Matthew 5:23

"Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift."

Solution for the Angry Tongue

Don’t be Hasty in your response and when you do respond, make sure that you remember that the Holy Spirit is inside of you. Answer as He’d have you respond.

Proverbs 15:1

"A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger."

(Don’t return angry words. Take your time. Be slow to speak. Respond in a kind and gentle way.)

Col 4:6

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

Solution for the Gossiping Tongue

God tells us over and over again in Proverbs not to be a gossip. Don’t share secrets. Don’t tell the business of others. It’s wrong and hurts others. If you catch yourself gossiping, just stop and change the subject. 

Proverbs 11:13

"A person who tells secrets cannot be trusted, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret safe."

Titus 3:2

"To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people."

Solution for the Lying Tongue

Don’t get comfortable saying things that aren’t true. It’s sin. We want to be completely honest so we are trustworthy people. God literally HATES lying. Speak the truth in love. Even if it’s a difficult thing to say, be gentle, but be honest.

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

I pray that this has been helpful. Sometimes we may not be aware that we have these issues. We ask God for help and direction and He will answer.

Psalm 139:23-24

"Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."